Quick update on Opthomologist...
Owen did a great job holding still. Not a big fan of getting his eyes dialated, but he was very brave. I am so proud of him. The doc said everything looks fine. I am thankful for that. He could use a little perscription, but nothing worth the trouble of keeping glasses on a 2 year old to do anything at this time. His pressures were good, his eye drift isn't affecting his vision and his optic nerve looked good. Was I paranoid? maybe. I am just glad to kick those worries to the curb. I guess Theresa's going to have to find some other explanation for him not identifying things correctly during therapy. (not going to get into that today. Uhg.)
Owen's new orthotics came Tuesday. They are right this time! As you know we plan on having him wear shoes with these instead of getting the soles put directly on the braces. Well, that prospect and all it entails brings about unexpected emotions for me. It's hard to explain. I am really excited, terrified, frustrated and sad all at the same time.
I'm excited to finally buy my 2 1/2 year old a pair of shoes! It is a big deal. I am excited he will be able to walk outside this fall and winter. I am excited that he CAN.
I am terrified we won't be able to find shoes that fit his braces. I'm terrified the extra weight of shoes will hinder his walking ability. I'm terrified it will hold him back. I'm terrified the shoes I just ordered him aren't going to work either. Why does this have to be so hard?
I am frustrated that it is so hard to find shoes that fit. I am frustrated that I have finally resorted to ordering special AFO shoes online—$66 for shoes for my 2 year old! (It will be worth every penny if they work). I am frustrated that he gets frustrated with wearing his new braces and shoes. (We tried them out with some of Liam's old shoes with the insoles ripped out Wednesday. He wanted them off after a few hours so he could walk.)
I'm sad when I see him wearing shoes over braces because I think it makes him look "handicapped." (which is ridiculous, really, because he's worn braces his whole life and I haven't felt that way. Why would shoes make the difference?) It makes me sad that I feel that way. How silly is that?
We've started talking to the kids about what to say when another kid asks why their brother wears "those funny shoes" (braces) because it has come up several time recently. We matter of factly tell them to say "because he has spina bifida and they help him walk." No big deal, but I hate the fact that this will be an issue my kids (all of them) have to deal with, and that they are forced into the role of teaching others to be accepting of someone they accept naturally. Our experience so far has mostly been seeing the good brought out in people. I guess Liam starting kindergarten this week has been a reminder that it may not always be that way. And that sucks. I pray we raise happy, confident, resiliant kids that will be a light to the world, not be brought down by it. I have to release my grip and trust they are in His hands.
sorry for the bit of the pity party I've just let you in on. I promise I don't "live" there most of the time, but once in a while it just stinks and that's just the way it is.
Aug 8, 2009 4:52pm
ReplyDeleteIt does stink - it just plain does, and you know we (other moms) completely understand. I always try to remember this bright side - I think our kids are learning some very important lessons about not judging others and having more compassion than most; they are less selfish and more self-less (at least we pray and teach them to be that way), because of their wonderful brothers that God has given them!
Hang in there - and it's okay to have these days; we all have them...
And to quote "Welcoem to Holland"
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss....
BUT, one day that loss will go away, the pain will go away because our kids will run around free without braces, wheelchairs, crutches, walkers, trachs, or feeding tubes - we will be in heaven and God will have healed them forever! We will have the heaven we have longed for so much!
Carrie
Carrie Holt
Aug 9, 2009 2:58am
ReplyDeleteAh yes, the quest to find decent shoes....it never ends. I thind myself constantly looking for shoes to fit over Emma's braces, and when I find a pair, even it they're too big now, I scrap them up, knwoing that when I DO need them I will not be able to find any in the store at that very time. its the ankle and the whole height of the foot with the brace on that i seem to have the most trouble with.
Some tricks I have to get a decent fit with tight ankled shoes...
1. Rain boots: Cut them from top to just at/below the ankgle at the ankle. Buy some velcro straps (They sell them at the hardware store next to the velcro) and then glue them to the boot so it helps hold it on. (Sort of will look like the AFO strap when you are done>) Emma has two pair and loves them.
2. Try Sketchers or New Balance. Anything with a stretchy velcro will work. Last year we had tie shoes and the sketchers worked the best. this year we have Nike and sketchers.
3. The shoe may seem tight fitting to you; but keep in mind that the brace is holding his foot, not the shoe. We've never had the rubber soled braces before so have struggled with shoes for 2 years. Our orthotics team says that the shoe is to keep the kids from slipping, not to support the foot. Whatever fits over it will do.
Keep up the good work!! I know how you keep about the emotions that go with all of this. Em's latest desire is a pair of thong sandals. Oh, how to explain to a 2 year old that she will never be able to wear a pair....=(
Jennifer McDonald
Aug 9, 2009 12:12pm
ReplyDeleteJen- It's ok to vent frustrations. That's how we know what to pray for and help with. I think you are doing a GREAT job as a mom, and what you feel is perfectly normal. Be thankful you have a wonderful Savior and church family to fall back on. I love you!! I love your kids!! Keep up the AWESOME job!!
Lindsey
Lindsey Miner
lindsey.miner@verizon.net
Aug 9, 2009 9:21pm
ReplyDeleteJen, Oh how I can relate to your post on so many levels. I was partying it up last week too, pity party that is. I wanted to share a couple of my experiences with you, just because if I could ever help someone else, I want to. Shoes, up until this new pair of braces, I really had very little problems find shoes for Kenzi. Our brace guy just told me to rip out the insole and I have to say in most shoes that does trick. Kenzi has had 1 pair of Adidas and like 3 or 4 pairs of NIkes that I just bought right off the shelf. New Balance shoes are the widest shoes on the market AND they also make a wide and and extra wide. I just ordred Kenz a pair of Wide New Balance last week, they should be here tomorrow! :) BE WARNED THIS IS JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION, but I DESPISE
Brandi Wegner